LARGE HEDRON COLLIDER - Editorial

Well, sadly, this will be the last edition of The Spin. Actually tonight's programs will be the last you'll ever hear on JOY. Probably the last programs you'll hear on any radio station. In fact, it's the last day of your life... cause apparently the world is going to end tomorrow.

Hidden away under the Swiss mountains near Geneva is a 27 kilometre tunnel called the Large Hedron Collider. According to the world scientific media, the Large Hedron Collider is a place.....

'Buried 100m underground, studded with gigantic, cathedral-sized, ring-shaped detectors where collisions between packets of "heavy" subatomic particles, "hadrons", reveal workings of matter and energy'.

Probably, like most of you, that means absolutely NOTHING to me. But a rough translation would read something like this....

'a bunch of geeks in white coats soaking up public money to prove something that will mean nothing and do nothing for 99.999% of people on the planet'.

Apparently this 8.6 Billion dollar machine is the largest, most expensive ever built by mankind...ever.

But this tinkering around with sub-atomic particles is getting other geeks in white coats wringing their hands and predicting a few side-effects. That's if you call the end of the entire Cosmos a 'side effect'. Here is a description of what might happen when they push the START button on this machine according to some alarmist scientists....

'Earth would start to crack up; molten lava would wash over the land and the seas would start to boil; mega-hurricanes and cyclones would level buildings and forests; eventually, mountains would crumble as Earth's crust continued to disintegrate.
The fabric of the planet would start to disappear, trillions of tonnes of rock, water, air and life sucked into a whirlpool of unimaginable force.'

From space, our blue-and-white home would appear to vanish down a plughole in a flash. This is far more exciting than the seven horses of the Apocalypse.... even the Bible doesn't paint such a vivid picture like this doomesday prediction published in media around the world.

If you hadn't read this already I am sorry to bring this news to you less than 24 hours before they turn on the machine. The good news is you probably won't have to pay off your credit card or worry about Malcolm Turnbull becoming Prime Minister.

But, in the world of media beat ups (and I suppose it doesn't get much more beaten up than this.....) ....there is another side of the doomseday reports. Of course, it's hidden away in the final paragraph of the various reportage. Almost like an afterthought the paragraph reads....

'Scientists have commissioned safety reviews, such as those that have taken place before other big particle accelerators have been turned on. All have concluded there is no measurable risk.'

So, apart from a few maverick scientific musings, we're not about to vanish down earth's fundamental orafice. We WILL have to pay off the credit card and we may still have to face the prospect of Malcolm Turnbull becoming PM. If we truly have something to fear, I would pit Malcolm Turnbull against the Large Hedron Collider anyday.